Welcome 2009

It hard to believe, but 2008 is gone and here comes 2009. I feel like I must have been in a daze the whole year because I don't know where it went. I feel like I wasted the whole year. So here is what I have planned for 2009:

1. Hit the gym. I HATE the gym, but I hate feeling chubby. So I'm going to go to the gym and try to eat healthy. However, both of those things make me a grump. So if you see a story on MSNBC about NC Burning, it was probably me that set it on fire.
2. Be nicer to the people at work and just do what I have to do. If I can't find a better job, I have to suck it up and stick with what I have. BUT, if the lady I work with shows me one more picture of her dog in a birthday hat or sitting in Santa's lap, I might have to relapse.
3. Be more social. The 3 white walls of my living room seem like cell block D.
4. Find a rich, strong, attractive man to sweep me off my feet. If anyone reading this knows of anyone, send them my way because there is a definite shortage of them in NC.

So there we go....all those things combined will either make for me jumping out of my bedroom window (which is really only high enough to probably break an ankle), or they are a sure fire recipe for happiness. Stay tuned to see which one developes.

Touching TV

Is it just me, or does the stupidest stuff on TV make other people cry too...? I mean there are the reasonable things that make me cry, like the ASPCA commercials with shivering, one-eyed dogs that has "Arms of the Angel" playing in the background. If that stuff doesn't touch your heart, you aren't human...

But that's not what I'm talking about. I mean the absolutely silly stuff. For example, "Snoopy Come Home". Oh my God. Really, do they think kids should watch that. Summary--Snoopy gets a letter from his previous owner, Lila, saying she is sick and in the hospital. For whatever reason (since I guess she gave him away to Charlie Brown sometime) the only thing that will make her feel better is Snoopy. And since Charlie Brown is acting all stank, Snoopy decides to leave.

Woe is me....they throw him a party, he's crying, Charlie Brown is crying, Woodstock is crying....and before I knew it I was dabbing a little tear. Haha. What the hell....Please tell me its not just me. I mean, I do have a soft spot for Snoopy but damn.

And then there are those occasional moments when watching some sitcom, or oh---What Not to Wear, when the makeover recipient is all emotional and "never felt they could be so beautiful". Good shit....

It's not just me right? Or do I really need therapy?

Down Time

My laptop had a little issue. Well to put it in the words of the Geek at Best Buy, I was "infected" (damn addictive social networking sites). Lovely mental picture, isn't it....

And I can't tell you how many totally entertaining thoughts for the day I had in the past week. Good enough to win a frigging BGA (bloggers guild award).

Now, she's back in action (my laptop) and I have writers' block. Beautiful..

I promise, I had some good shit to say....

Questions for the Day

Why do the landscapers for my office complex only come on rainy days? I mean really, I've NEVER seen them here on a clear day.

Why on earth do people drive 50 on the beltline when everyone else around them is going 75? And then they have the nerve to try to switch lanes....are they maybe suicidal...?

Why do people try to park a big-ass Ford F150 in a compact car space?? Don't be lazy, park where you're supposed to park. And if you have a compact car and still can't seem to place your car between the lines, stay home.

Why do people start sentences like this: "Do you wanna do me a favor....?" No, actually I don't. Do it yourself.

Why have you never heard someone say "Wow, you look like you feel really good today"--but they don't hesitate to tell you when you look like you feel horrible. What exactly are you trying to say, I look like dog meat today?? Ass.

It would apprear that I'm not the only person who deserves an award for my level of common sense....Idiots.

My Condition

I have a serious condition....and I know the first step is admitting it. So here goes.

I need medication, and my family knows it and I know it. I tried to hide my condition from others, but because I am not ashamed I'm going to tell the whole Blogger community (well the 3 people that read my little blog, haha).

I'm a looney and here's why:

1. I use 4 paper towels everytime I wash my hands at work, or when I'm somewhere with a paper towel dispenser. Not because I'm a freak and feel that I won't be clean if I don't use 4---but because I just like 4. It just feels right. Haha

2. I also pretty much always put 4 ice cubes in my drink when I'm at home. Again, no special reason.

3. I have my paperclips lined up in a neat little row in their box in my desk drawer. That's the way they are supposed to be, and the other day when I opened my drawer and saw they were messed up, I had to rearrange them immediately. Once I dropped the box on the floor at my previous office and I nearly passed out.

4. My closet is color coordinated, divided into summer & winter clothes by color. That's not a big deal to me, as I figure most people do that. But, I also have my extra hangers color coordinated, arranged from lightest to darkest since they are all different colors.

The more conscious I am of the stuff I try to over-organize, the worse I act. I mean, if I try not to be that way--it's just magnified by about 50.

I'll probably be all doped up and scared to leave the house by the time I'm 47. Greeeeaaaat.

My Fading Intelligence

I've realized that somewhere in the past 10 yrs I've gone from being a pretty smart person to being just crazy. I graduated from high school 7th in my class (t was a small class, but that's a pretty nice position). Yet, the one thing I've learned over time is that book smarts is no reflection of common sense. I think I'm a pretty level person and have a fair amount of common sense, but every once in a while I slip up and do something so stupid, that I look at myself and wonder what the hell happened to me. Today is one of those days....

This morning, I got up to go to work and came up with a brilliant idea. Since I've been late for the past few days because I had to wait for my car to thaw out, I decided to take a cup of water out to the car to pour on the windshield. That should speed things up...

Not so...or not so when you pour cold water on your already cold windshield. In a matter of about 5 seconds I had a solid sheet of ice that formed on my windshield. Yes, I know--I'm a-freaking-genius. And what makes it worse, the window wasn't even THAT frozen to start off with. It had a few scattered ice crystals, but by the time I put my mind to work this morning, it was a solid sheet. I finally got about three inches thawed out at the bottom and thought, when I take off it will probably just melt away. Afterall, I was running on time and didn't want to be late.

Again, not so...mistake #2. It re-froze the couple of clear inches and I had to pull off the road---still in my neighborhood--and let it thaw again while sitting in the parking lot of the community center..looking like a total idiot.

I must say, I should get an award.

Sick Days

Why is it that everytime one calls in sick, one's boss makes like it was fakery?? This is the same boss that last year was sick with the "flu" who, after missing like 4 days of work and cancelling a flight upstate to meet with a huge prospect, came in to the office everyday and I'm pretty sure sat at his desk and took a nap. (We've all come to that conclusion since the door was shut and it looked mighty dark in there).

So, here I am at work today, coughing up my lungs all day and still you are acting like its a hoax. Do I need to cough up a big bunch of sickness onto your desk for you to believe me? Because, believe me, as grumpy as I am when I'm sick, all you have to do is say the word and I will be more than happy to prove how sick I am for you....

And since I have 16 damnit sick days to use, will it really kill business for me to miss one?? Dude, back off.

How sweet it must be to be "The Man" (sitting in the big chair with the nice windowy office, doing a whole bunch of nothing while I'm slaving in the back working in my suped up closet w/ no windows).

Thanksgiving Our Way

It's funny, my family lives close around each other and there's only four of us--so we are together all the time. But somehow when Thanksgiving or Christmas comes, there's never a dull moment. And its always a headache for whoever's house we're overtaking. Here's a few of the things that went down this year, at my sister's apartment (she was the chosen one):

--we watched a marathon of Tom & Jerry (even though no one in the family is under 21, haha)

--the fire alarm went off about 4 times (with my daddy waking up wanting to know what the hell we were burning up; nothing was actually on fire)

--the F bomb got dropped hard, several times

--reefer was the topic of conversation while passing around the appetizers (and how it would mellow out the mood)

--my mama told us a story about the animal that is a cross between a raccoon and a weasel (but she doesn't know the name of it and has never seen it; still have no clue of what she was talking about or if its even real)

Wow. I am thankful for a family that keeps things interesting all the time. Next, Christmas at my house. Whoa...

Reasons to Get Hitched

With the wedding of my best friend last month, I am now official the last person I know--or at least associate with--that isn't married or hasn't previously been married (besides my sister, we're two peas in a pod). Sometimes it bothers me to sit around the house alone on a weekend, but other times I wonder what's going through these people's mind. I'm 28, so its understandable that all my friends are married. But my sister is 21 and alot of her friends are married or engaged. Isn't that young...?? I feel WAY behind because of them.

So I sit and think, what makes these girls want to get married so young. I've come to some pretty logical conclusions. Here they are, my reasons to get married:

--So they can have a man to take the trash barrel to end of the driveway and bring it back up (hate doing that, if it was my choice it was stay at the road permanently).

--To help cut the grass (I've been in my house for 2 yrs now. For the first 6 months I thought cutting the grass was great; it made me feel relaxed and at home. Now I'm contemplating pouring concrete over ever inch of grass so as to not get kicked out of the neighborhood for having grass that's knee high.)

--So that when you're sick, you have a companion to pick up your snotty tissues and make you soup. (Riiigh, like that would happen). More probable, so that if you pass the hell out, you will have someone there to call 911.

--So they can have a live in handy man & mechanic (oil changes can get messy, I don't want that under my fingernails).

--Bills. What more is there to say. Two incomes are better than one. ALWAYS.

I heart Vogue

I just finished looking through the latest edition of Vogue Magazine. When I look through it, I feel like I did when I was a kid with the JC Penney Wish Book--remember, the catalogue that came out at Christmas time, with all the new toy? I used to look through and pick out all the cool stuff I wanted.

That's the same way I am with Vogue. I fold pages down and study each ad to try to experience every single detail of the fashion. I don't want to miss anything. I know I can't afford half (well most) of the stuff in there, but its fun to check everything out. Just like when I was younger, I look forward to the massive editions that come out maybe twice a year, and detail all the new collections.

I even try to imagine the lives of the people they profile in the magazine--I picture what their life in the city must be like and the profession they obviously excel in, which allows them to buy $3,000 dresses to pair with Louis Vuitton wedges. What a life it must be...

TGIF

Friday is finally here, and luckily I made it thru the week without spitting on anyone. That's quite a feat.

But it sure it hard to wake up on a Friday morning motivated for work. It makes it even harder when there is a light coat of snow on your car. UGH. It's too early for snow. But, suddenly I caught myself wishing for a snow storm so I wouldn't have to go to work. Haa...

So at lunch, as a reward for making it thru, I went to Best Buy and bought a digital camera. It wasn't my intent, but they just had the cameras set up so nice and inviting-like. Retail therapy has me on cloud nine. Maybe I'll take a picture of myself smiling with my new purple camera. Haha. Nothing like dropping money on yourself unexpectedly to cheer you up.

The Customer Is Always Right

I've been on the phone with the same customer 3 times today, the last conversation lasting about 25 mintues. My head is spinning, I think I've forgotten my own name, and at one point I had to take the scissors out of my own hand so as to not cut the phone cord or harm myself.

I know she could tell I was getting frustrated--I'm sure it was pretty obvious when I kept saying the same thing over and over....and over and over. I was trying so hard to be nice and professional, but I wanted to reach thru the phone and mush her face into a wall.

The customer is NOT always right--whoever determined that they were must have been independently wealthy with no job.

Things @ Work That Make Me Want to Scream

1. Don't act surprised by things that happen the same way EVERY DAY. Damn. The bosses didn't do anything yesterday, they didn't do the day before--today will be no different. Zip your lip.

2. If you can read, you can do half of the things I do on a daily basis. Don't bring me something that's half done and then when I ask if you did a certain part of it say "I don't have any idea how to do that..." Can you read---simply, can you read? If so, its not hard to figure out.

3. Put the lid on the copy machine down. EVERY TIME I go in the copy room its open and every time I put it down. Time to catch on...

Common sense people.

Bad TV Obsession

I have a confession--some days when there is nothing else on, I turn to GEMS TV (channel 233 on Directv) and just sit there and watch for hours. Its not the jewelry, but instead the theatrics of the girls hosting the channel.

I have a degree in communications, concentrating in electronic news and media performance (sounds good, huh--too bad I'm working in insurance; $30k well spent for that degree. Blehk). So I watch this in amazement.

The girls are always so damn chipper, singing little songs or talking in crazy voices. What the HELL. How much do they get paid--really, because I can sit there and act a fool if that is what is expected of me. I can move my hand back and forth and turn on some fake accents in a hurry. And while I'm sitting, watching, its almost like I just can't turn the channel. I'm wondering what kind of silly crap they are going to say or do next. Its like the whole car accident theory--you don't want to be watching but you can't help but look to see what's going on. Ridiculous.....

Check it out---its so damn lame, yet so intriguing. And I promise, you won't even notice the jewelry half the time.

When the Words Come Out

I am just sitting here wondering about something--should a person feel bad for something they say, if it is exactly how they feel, but it hurts someone else's feelings?

Lately it seems like I have said alot of things that may have caused a little pinch for someone else. Or my words have developed into an argument. But I think I've been holding some of it in for a while, because I didn't want to make someone else mad.

So should I be apologetic if it's exactly what I mean and what I feel? Is it fair that I have to bite my tongue to save someone else from getting vexed? On the other hand it is fair that I'm pissing someone off?

I know alot of it has to do with not what you say but how you say it. However sometimes there's no other way and its just brewed and needs to come out. Then what...? I really don't think there is a happy medium in this case.

Eating Lunch @ My Desk

For the past three days I have brought my lunch to work. With the economy all mucked up, and me being single and living alone and understanding that my chances of hitting the powerball are 1 in 4 million, I figure maybe it will help me save a little extra money...

But I have discovered that my theories about bringing my lunch being a bad idea are true, and here are the two reasons why:

1. Lunch hasn't come yet today, so the outcome is up in the air. However, the first day I brought my lunch I ate it at 11:30 and that was holding out at long as I possibly thought I could. I wanted to kill it at 10:50, but talked myself out of it. Needless to say, by 3 pm that day I was starving. Yesterday I actually made it to 12:30, but had to refrain from gnawing my arm off while waiting for lunchtime. It's like when I bring my lunch, my sandwich whispers to me from the bag. I can't not eat it. Today, I'm trying to make it, but my stomach is empty and I'm getting the hunger grumps. We'll see what happens.

2. The first day I went out for a bit, to run a couple errarnds, just to break up the day. Yesterday though, I stayed in. I sat at my desk, eating my cheese sanwich (just like Bernie Mac said we do) and worked the crossword puzzle. In 30 minutes I was bored and done eating, so went back to work. At 3 pm yesterday the fact that I had been at this desk, in this office with no windows had caught up to me. I WANTED TO SCRATCH MY EYES OUT. I ran out of the office as soon as the day was over! I don't know what sane person can actually sit at their desk ALL..DAY. Not me. It makes me want to punch someone in their throat.

So my thing is, is bringing my lunch to work and saving maybe $30 a week worth my sanity & my eyes. That's really questionable....